EVERY TYPE OF O

Sex & Psychology - Let's bring the data in—because this isn't just a “you” thing.

If you’ve ever felt alone in craving more pleasure, know this: the “orgasm gap” is real, and it’s not your fault. In heterosexual encounters, men climax far more consistently than women. A large study by the Kinsey Institute found that 95% of straight men “usually or always” orgasm during sex, but only 65% of straight women do​.

That’s a 30-point chasm in climax. Yet, lesbian women orgasmed 86% of the time​, suggesting women’s bodies are not “less orgasmic” by nature – rather, it’s the way we (don’t) talk about and attend to female pleasure in hetero sex that’s largely responsible.

Why does this gap exist?

Research points to habit and culture.

Many heterosexual scripts still center on the “great male thrust” as the main event​ PIV (penis-in-vagina) intercourse alone, however, is the least reliable route to orgasm for most women.

In fact, 70% of women who don’t climax from intercourse can do so easily through masturbation (i.e. direct clitoral stimulation)

​The Hite Report, a finding first spotlighted by Shere Hite in 1976. Generations of women were raised under Freud’s debunked myth that “vaginal” orgasms were more mature than “clitoral” ones. 

This toxic idea taught women to be ashamed of needing external stimulation – and taught men to ignore the pearl of nerves at the apex of the vulva.

The result? Millions of women feeling “broken” or inadequate, when in truth they’ve simply been starved of the right kind of touch. Millions of men, under-educated on how to send his gal into ecstasy.

Thankfully, science has caught up with women’s truth.

Alfred Kinsey’s 1953 report boldly refuted the notion of separate vaginal orgasms, noting all female orgasms are physiologically centered on clitoral excitation​.

Masters and Johnson’s laboratory research in the 1960s confirmed that the clitoris – internal and external – is the powerhouse of female climax, even during penetration.

Today, the conversation is finally changing. We’re closing the gap by naming it, shattering silence with science, and unapologetically demanding the pleasure women deserve.

Resources

The Many Faces of Female Orgasm: 12+ Types (Yes, Really)

Before we get into it, I want to drop a link to the masturbation tool for women that IU mentioned in the last newsletter. I got a bunch of emails asking “where is the link?”….and you are right, I missed dropping it in. So HERE you go. I promise not to leave you excited with no place to go like that again!

Now - on to orgasms….

Women’s orgasms are as richly varied as our bodies and minds. For too long, the world spoke as if there was only one “right” orgasm for women – or worse, doubted whether women’s orgasms even mattered. In reality, female pleasure is wonderfully diverse. 

Recent research urges us to embrace the “apparent diversity” of women’s orgasmic experiences​ integrating anatomy, nerves, and subjective bliss. Here are some orgasm “types” identified in clinical and sexological literature – around a dozen distinct ways women might experience the big O:

• Clitoral Orgasm: The classic and most common orgasm, achieved by stimulating the clitoral glans or its internal extensions. The clitoris – a complex organ with a glans, shaft, two crura (legs), and bulbous roots – is the primary anatomical source of female pleasure​ . Direct or indirect clitoral stimulation (with fingers, a toy, tongue, etc.) often produces a sharp, focused climax. (For a visual, see an internal clitoral anatomy diagram – the glans is just the tip of an extensive structure!).

• Vaginal Orgasm: Orgasms triggered by penetration of the vagina. Some women experience a “deep” orgasm from intercourse without external stimulation – often described as a throbbing, more diffuse release. Anatomically, these are still linked to the clitoral complex: the internal clitoral bulbs hug the vaginal canal, and stimulating the anterior vaginal wall effectively stimulates this clitourethrovaginal complex (CUV) rather than a separate organ​. In other words, so-called vaginal orgasms are likely indirect clitoral orgasms in disguise. They tend to feel “darker” or “fuller” in women’s reports, in contrast to the “sharper” feeling of a purely external clitoral climax​.

• G-Spot Orgasm: Ah, the famous (and sometimes contentious) G-spot. This is an orgasm provoked by intense stimulation of a sensitive area about 2–3 inches inside the upper (anterior) vaginal wall. Women who have G-spot orgasms often report a sudden urge to bear down, explosive pleasure, and sometimes the release of fluid. Indeed, G-spot stimulation is strongly linked to female ejaculation – the expulsion of a small amount of milky fluid from the Skene’s glands (often called the female prostate) at orgasm​. Note: The G-spot isn’t a distinct “button” or magic bean; it’s likely the back of the internal clitoris and urethral sponge being stimulated​. Still, many women experience it as a unique orgasmic sensation – deeper, “earthier,” and often accompanied by gushes of fluid or an intense whole-body flush.

• A-Spot Orgasm: Deeper than the G, along the front vaginal wall near the cervix lies the Anterior Fornix Erotic zone (AFE zone), or A-spot. Discovered by Malaysian researchers in the 1990s, the A-spot can trigger swift lubrication and orgasm in some women when stimulated with firm pressure. Orgasms from the A-spot are described as very intense and lubricative, though this zone is less studied than the G-spot. Some clinicians report that A-spot orgasms produce a profoundly relaxing, almost sedative after-effect – as if a deep hunger were satisfied. (Because of its location, only longer fingers or toys can usually reach it; communication and care are essential when exploring this tender depth.)

• Cervical Orgasm: Some women orgasm from stimulation of the cervix (the entrance to the uterus at the far end of the vagina). These “cervical” orgasms are often depicted as overwhelming and trance-like. Cervical orgasms, when they occur, can feel like waves rolling through the body, sometimes with an almost spiritual dimension. (They can also be painful if the cervix is hit too roughly, so gentle exploration is key.)

• Anal Orgasm: The anus and rectum have a rich nerve supply (including branches of the pudendal nerve, which also serves the clitoris). Anal stimulation – via fingers, tongue, or anal sex – can indirectly trigger the internal clitoral structures and pelvic floor, leading to orgasm. Women who experience anal orgasms often describe them as a “surprising” deep pleasure radiating through the pelvis. Some feel them as similar to vaginal orgasms; others find them uniquely intense. A relaxed mind and plenty of lubrication are important here, as well as trust with one’s partner or oneself. (Not everyone enjoys anal play, and that’s okay – it’s simply one possible route among many.)

• U-Spot Orgasm: The U-spot is less famous but worth mentioning. It refers to the area around the urethral opening (between the clitoris and vaginal opening), which contains Skene’s glands and sensitive tissues. Some women report orgasmic sensations from focused stimulation there (for example, licking around the urethra during oral sex). Given its proximity to the clitoris and urethral sponge, a U-spot orgasm might feel akin to a blended clitoral/G-spot orgasm. The existence of the U-spot as a truly distinct trigger is still under debate – it’s been proposed in theory, but remains elusive in formal research​. Still, pleasure is pleasure: if it feels good, go for it!

• Nipple Orgasm: Yes, nipple orgasms are real. Roughly 1% of women can climax solely from breast/nipple stimulation, and many more find it greatly enhances their arousal. Neuroscience offers a clue why: in fMRI studies, nipple stimulation lights up the brain’s genital sensory area​, releasing oxytocin and activating the same pleasure pathways as direct genital touch. A nipple-induced orgasm might not involve genital contractions in the same way, but women report it as a wave of warm pleasure that can spread across the chest and down the belly. Nipple orgasms often require a lot of arousal buildup (mental fantasy helps) and very consistent stimulation. For those who enjoy breastfeeding, some have even noted orgasmic feelings from nursing – a testament to the mighty power of the nipple-brain connection.

• Mental Orgasm (Fantasy or “No Touch” Orgasm): The most powerful sex organ is the brain. Some women are able to orgasm through vivid fantasy, deep relaxation, or hypnotic techniques without any physical touch at all. In one survey, women recounted “mental orgasms” achieved through fantasy or even during sleep (nocturnal orgasms)​. These tend to be accompanied by pelvic floor contractions and the same rush of blood and hormones as a touch-stimulated climax. Think of it like a vivid wet dream or a meditative trance leading to release. Learning this skill can involve guided imagery, Kegel exercises, and a strong mind-body connection. (Fun fact: This ability underscores how orgasm is a reflex of the nervous system – if the right wires are fired in the brain, boom, it can happen.)

• “Coregasm” (Exercise-Induced Orgasm): Some women discover by accident that certain workouts – commonly, abdominal exercises, pull-ups, spinning or yoga – can trigger an orgasmic release. This so-called coregasm often strikes during strenuous core engagement (imagine doing hanging leg raises or crunches to the point of fatigue and suddenly feeling a surge of pleasure). Researchers surveying female athletes confirmed that exercise-induced orgasms are a genuine phenomenon, likely due to pelvic floor muscle engagement and increased blood flow. The feelings can range from a light “tingle” to a full climax. If you’ve ever felt embarrassed by this at the gym, don’t be – it’s a nifty quirk of your physiology! Embrace it (discreetly), or use it as an excuse to do more crunches at home.

• Blended Orgasm: The jackpot of stimulation – a blended orgasm – occurs when multiple hot spots are stimulated together, e.g. simultaneous clitoral and vaginal or clitoral and anal stimulation. The result? A crescendo of sensation that many women describe as more intense and overwhelming than single-source orgasms. For instance, a common blended orgasm is achieved by stimulating the clitoris during vaginal intercourse (using fingers or a vibrator) – the dual input can amplify pleasure dramatically. It’s the symphony versus the solo.

• Multiple Orgasms: Finally, some women experience multiple orgasms – sequential climaxes in one session. Unlike most men, women don’t have a refractory period that completely prevents immediate further orgasms (though sensitivity may increase). With continued stimulation and adequate arousal, a woman might move from one orgasm to another. These can feel like distinct peaks or one rolling wave with aftershocks. About 15% of women report that they habitually have multiple orgasms. For others, it’s an occasional treat or something they’re still hoping to achieve. Staying relaxed and riding the ebb and flow of sensation (rather than stopping after the first peak) is key to experiencing multiples. Every woman’s capacity is different – one glorious orgasm is plenty! – but if you’re blessed with multiples, enjoy the fireworks finale.

Those are a lot of orgasms – and indeed, our understanding of female orgasm is still evolving. There are reports of orgasms from stimulation of earlobes, neck kissing, thigh rubbing, even scalp massage – when arousal is high enough, the whole body can become an erogenous playground.

The takeaway is liberating: there is no one way to climax. Your pleasure pathways are yours to explore. What matters is not checking off a list of orgasm types, but discovering what feels authentic and thrilling for you. As one 2023 study concluded, it’s time to let go of narrow labels and honor the “complexity of women’s orgasms” in all its forms​ .

What about our male partners? If we are to expect them to understand and worship our varietals of orgasm, well, we ought to do the same. Orgasms for all! We’ll get into specifics in a later issue because recognizing that men too have complex arousal (and sometimes performance anxieties of their own) can foster mutual empathy.

DEAR KELSEY…

Dear Brave Explorer,

First—two hands to the sky in full-body applause. You are living what most only whisper about: a life designed, not defaulted.

Thirty-four years of marriage.

Eighteen of those without sex.

Lovers outside of your marriage while still married, that reawakened your body.

And now, a new edge—exploring celibacy, not as sacrifice, but as sovereignty. You’re not escaping your desire. You’re elevating it. Choosing how to channel that fire. And that? That’s powerful sister.

Let’s zoom out for a moment and name what’s actually happening here:

You’re not the exception. You’re part of an evolutionary wave that we all should know is afoot.

Over the past decade, there's been a radical expansion in how people approach intimacy, sex, and commitment and very few people seem to be comfortable taking about it - yet!

From the Kinsey Institute to the Journal of Sex Research, study after study is confirming the shift:

💥 1 in 5 U.S. adults (21%) say they’ve engaged in some form of consensual non-monogamy (CNM) at some point in their lives (Moors et al., 2017).

💥 Swinging, once thought taboo, is consistently practiced by roughly 4–5% of married couples in North America today—and rising.

💥 Solo polyamory, consensual non-monogamy and relationship anarchy are gaining visibility, especially among Gen X and older millennials who prioritize autonomy and fluidity over fixed roles.

💥 And intentional celibacy—particularly among midlife women—is being reclaimed not as absence, but as presence. A redirection of erotic energy into creativity, service, spiritual practice, or simply rest.

Even Pew Research (2023) reports a steep decline in traditional marriage as the assumed endpoint of romantic success. Instead, people are building custom containers—ones that serve their whole truth, not just the social script. 

Your exploration, then, is part of a much larger story: one where we give ourselves permission to change.

To reclaim our life force after decades of disconnection. To honor our libido without apology while maintaining a loving relationship. To choose how that energy flows—whether into sex, silence, spirit, or something yet unnamed.

You’re not subtracting from life. You’re re-routing power. Taking the erosion and putting it into a different form of generative practice, from intimacy with other to intimacy with self - both creative and connecting processes.

And maybe that’s what we’ve been missing all along—not new models, but new freedom to evolve within them. To talk about it and normalize relationships and desire at the individual level of curation and design.

Thank you for showing us that you can be married and magnetic. Celibate and erotic. In love with your truth and curious about what’s next.

You are part of the revolution.

With admiration,

Kelsey

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