Dear Grown-ups,

We can talk about nervous systems, therapy, and shadow work all day—
but ask most adults to talk about sexual health and the room goes quiet.
HPV, dryness, unpredictable erections—we’d rather ghost than speak.

But liberation doesn’t come from pretending we’re flawless.
It comes from telling the truth about our bodies—
and letting honesty become the new foreplay.

He told me he hadn’t had an erection he could trust in months.
He said it with a half-smile that was really a flinch.

“I didn’t want to tell you,” he admitted. “I thought it would make you see me differently.”

I told him the truth: It made me see him more clearly.

Because honesty is erotic.
It builds safety, not tension.
And when safety returns, so does arousal.

Later that week, a woman in my community messaged me.
She’d just met someone new—luminous connection, slow kisses, potential.
And then came the doctor’s call: an HPV flare.

She said, “How do I even start that conversation?”
It’s not the first time I have fielded this question. I often imagine the question behind the question could be: Will this make me unlovable?

Here’s what I told her—

You care for people, sexual health communication is a form of care. We are all adults here, giving information to him puts him in choice. How a person deals with this kind of conversation can tell you a lot about the kind of partner they might be too.

So she told him.
Directly, thoughtfully, without apology.
“I’m navigating an HPV flare right now. It’s common and manageable, and I want us both informed and safe.”

That conversation, awkward as it might have began, could become their first act of real intimacy.

This guide is here for the conversations most of us were never taught how to have, the ones about sex, health, and what’s actually true in our bodies.

Inside, you’ll find clear information, simple scripts, and nervous-system–aware guidance to help you talk about testing, changes, diagnoses, or midlife shifts without shame or panic. Use this as a companion when honesty feels scary but necessary.

And if you’re in relationship, consider sharing it, not to create fear, but to build trust and safety.

In his TEDx talk, Ven Virah shares his deeply personal journey with erectile dysfunction and how facing shame and speaking openly about it became a gateway to healing, connection, and real intimacy. 

Myth: Sexual challenges mean something’s wrong with you.
Truth: They mean you have a body—and bodies change, heal, and adapt.

Erections aren’t loyalty tests.
Lubrication isn’t a love score.
Viruses aren’t moral verdicts.

What matters is how honestly we move through them together.

The takeaway? Sexual health conversations aren’t medical confessions—they’re relational agreements.

We’ve built an erotic culture obsessed with performance and allergic to reality.
But the deepest turn-on isn’t perfection—it’s presence.
It’s the courage to say, “Here’s what’s true for me right now—can we meet here?”

When we trade silence for honesty, the body exhales.
Intimacy without honesty is choreography.
Intimacy with honesty is connection.

If you’re dating, partnered, or simply re-entering your own erotic life, start here:

Say the thing you think will scare someone away.
Ask the question you’ve been too polite to ask.
Name what your body is asking for instead of apologizing for it.

You might lose the wrong person—
but you’ll find the right rhythm with yourself.
That’s what sexual sovereignty feels like.

Real liberation isn’t theory—it’s language.
Here are words that open doors instead of walls:

For a new partner

With someone you already love

For specific issues

Tone cues

Lead with ownership, not apology.
Frame it as mutual empowerment.
End with connection: “I’m glad we talked about this—it makes me feel closer.”

Yours, liberated, Kelsey — for the Paramount Love

References