Tuesday, 8:14 p.m. – Couples Coaching Call

“I have everything I ever wanted,” she says, eyes glossy in the blue light of her laptop. “But I still want him. And him.”

I nod. She’s not confessing sin — she’s confessing aliveness.

The kind that hums beneath the silk blouse and the PTA smile.
The kind that doesn’t fit inside polite society’s version of a “good woman.”

She’s an executive, mother of two, wife to a man who still brings her coffee every morning.
But lately, her desire has been louder — showing up in her body, her dreams, the space between meetings.

“Does that make me ungrateful?” she asks.
“No,” I tell her. “It makes you human. It makes you awake.”

We decide the next step is to think through the current ‘rules’ within her marriage and identify those she might want to adjust. We are at the exploration frontier and she is terrified and excited all at once.

Friday, 6:37 p.m. – Wine Bar, Group Dinner

When she finally said it out loud, something wild happened.
One by one, the women around the table leaned in.

“We’ve talked about it too.”
“He asked if I’d ever be open. I said hell no, I would be too jealous”
“We haven’t ever talked about it, but I think about it more than I should.”

“We date. Other people. We’ve been doing it for a while. It has sometimes been hard as hell, but it’s brought us closer than ever.”

It wasn’t a confession anymore. It was revelation.
The whisper network of the open-curious — doctors, CEOs, artists, mothers — women who had followed the script, are not unhappy but who want to feel more alive.

🧠 Neuroscience sidebar, slipped into the scene:

Studies from the Kinsey Institute show that 20–25% of couples have experimented with some form of consensual non-monogamy. Not because love is lacking — but because desire has evolved.

We are wired for novelty and belonging. The tension between those drives is where most modern marriages quietly ache.

“So what do we do with it?” she asks.

I smile. “We start by telling the truth — and stop pretending monogamy is the only form of devotion.”

I gave her a resource I’ll provide below - so she could think through, both on her own and with her partner, what feels alive and desired now, after 17 years of marriage.

If you’ve ever wondered what “open” really means beyond the headlines, this video is a gentle, grounded guide through the real-world dynamics of open relationships, polyamory, and the beautiful (sometimes messy) art of loving with honesty and intention.

Podcast: You Want Me To Watch The Kids While You Go Out With Another Guy?

In this episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel, we listen in on a couple who, after ten years of disconnection, choose to open their marriage in search of aliveness. For her, it awakens a deeper sense of pleasure, freedom, and play. For him, it stirs the ache of wanting to feel like the only one. Can desire and devotion coexist? Can they rewrite their story to hold both?

Explore your truth with two tools for the open-curious:

Sunday, 11:09 a.m. – Coffee & Clarity

“So, are we poly now?” he asks, half-laughing, half-panicking.

I shake my head. “Not necessarily.”

Here’s the difference most people miss:
Open usually means sexually expansive, emotionally contained.
Polyamorous means emotionally expansive, romantically inclusive.

An open couple might invite new energy through flirtation, touch, or shared experiences — while preserving their core emotional intimacy.
A polyamorous couple expands love itself, weaving multiple emotional or romantic connections into their relational fabric.

Both are consensual. Both can be deeply ethical.
Neither is a free-for-all.
And neither guarantees ease — only truth.

Language matters.
You can’t hold integrity if you’re unclear about the vocabulary of your liberation.

“So what are we?” he asks.
“Evolving,” I say. “One conversation at a time.”

Three weeks later – 10:42 p.m. – Text Message

Her: “We agreed I could flirt again. It feels like oxygen.”
Me: “Freedom isn’t about leaving. It’s about breathing.”

She tells me she feels more present at home.
That honesty has become the new aphrodisiac.
That naming her desire didn’t destroy the marriage — it made it real again.

But not every couple finds that balance.
Some realize “open” was never about others — it was about finally being seen.
That what they wanted wasn’t variety, but visibility.
That liberation isn’t about sex — it’s about truth.

That’s the difference between freedom and escape.

Wanting more than one person isn’t betrayal — it’s biology, it’s honesty, it’s happening everywhere.

The real question isn’t should I stay monogamous?

It’s what agreements allow me and my partner to stay alive and in integrity?

When love evolves, it doesn’t mean it ends.
It means the old rules have expired — and the new ones are yours to write.

The Permission Note
Write privately:

“If I had total permission, here’s what I’d want outside this relationship…”

You don’t have to act on it — just let your truth breathe.

Or, if you’re ready for the real talk:
The Courageous Conversation
Ask your partner:

“If you could design the rules of our love from scratch, what would they look like?”

Share what unfolds. Or write to Dear Kelsey — I might feature your story (anonymously).

Share this with the woman who’s done being polite about her desire.

We want to hear from you! What do you like, what do you want more of, what’s your favourite or least favourite part about the Liberation Letters?

Reply to this email or fill out the form below and let us know. If you’re thinking it, someone else probably is too.

Excited to hear from you…